In a staggering and deeply symbolic move, thousands of ex-feminists all over the world have come out of the closet today and declared their intent to "get in touch with their masculine side."

Led by the charasmatic ex-feminist, Miss I Lovemen, the anti-feminist group, "Birds Against Lying Lesbian Statistics" (B.A.L.L.S) Issued the following statement.

"It is time for women everwhere to get in touch with their masculine side.

As people who have done this ourselves we recommend this action to women all over the world. For us, it has been the single most liberating experience we have ever encountered. The benefits felt by this action are listed below and combined, they have enabled us to feel like whole humans beings for the first time in our lives. We cannot over emphasize how fabulous this has made us all feel. Gone is the need to bitch and whine constantly. Gone is the need to lie and turn on crocodile tears whenever we cannot have our own way. Gone is the hateful need for revenge whenever we feel put upon by anyone. Gone is the need to feed our egos constantly by pointless and expensive shopping trips. Also gone is the need to blame men for everything. We now have the guts and moral fibre to accept responcibility for our own mistakes and be honest enough to admit them."

When this statement was received by mens groups all over the world the excitement generated was akin to that felt when the old porno pictures of Germain Greer were discovered on the Internet.

Below is the list of benefits said to have been experienced by thousands of women who have adopted the masculine principles of the ladies from B.A.L.L.S.

• Sports are no longer seen as the enemy of women.
• No need to feel insecure because men need time away from women.
• No longer feel so self obsessed.
• selfishness is dying.
• Addiction to chocolate fadeing away.
• Able to face up to and admit our own faults.
• The need to use children as weapons in arguments has diminished.
• Extra strength to face up to difficult matters alone, without the need to run home to mummy everyday.
• No resentment felt over the ownership of the TV remote.
• Realising that men as fathers are equally important.
• Loss of obsessions such as, constantly wanting men to change into females. Not worrying about the position of the toilet seat. Preventing little boys developing into men by allowing them to play with toy guns and climb trees. Losing fear of competition. Realising that when little boys come home dirty and covered in mud they are NOT commiting crimes against humanity.
• Love of the truth.
• Capacity for exaggeration diminishing.
• No longer feel the need to bring every mistake ever made by our partners into every argument.
• The powerful need to manipulate and use sex as a bargaining tool diminishing.
• Understanding that "Girl power" is a myth and the Spice Girls are crap role models for young girls.
• Understanding that hating men does not empower women but actually diminishes them.
• Loss of fear of cooperation with males.
• Loss of fear of getting underneath cars to change oil.
• Realising that we are 100 times biger than spiders and that a fear of them is foolish.
• No more worries about the size of our bums in that dress.
• Growing ability to accept criticism.
• Rejection of the gay belief that "real men" look better in earings, dresses and by wearing their wifes underwear.
• Realising that Victoria Beckham is slightly nuts.
• Realising that David Beckham is slightly nuts.
• Understanding that men are turned on by stimulus to their visual cortext and that asking us to dress up for bed is not a perversion.
• Understanding that "equal rights" means "equal responcibilities."
• Understanding that the acceptance of being wrong sometimes does not diminish us as women but creates character.
• Lessening of the need to use guilt as a weapon.
• Realising that Germain Greer is a screwed up lunatic.
• Realising that feminism is a manipulative cult as dangerous as "The Moonies" and full of bitter liars, with a mile wide chip on their shoulders, who have a radical hatred of all things male.
• Understanding that the BBC no longer tells the truth.
• Growing understanding that gossip is usually 98% false and is not the gospel truth.
• Gradual understanding that soap operas are NOT real.
• Gradual understanding that women are just as capable of violence as men
• Understanding that men are NOT the enemy but that feminism IS the enemy.
• Diminishing of greed.
• Understanding that PC is the most stupid of philiosophies ever devised and totally rejecting it.
• Realising that people who sell us "dream catchers", crystals, feng shui, (?) or any other such mystic crap are using our natural gullibility against us.
• Realising that flower arranging is NOT a sport.
• Realising that voting for someone because we like the way he/she dresses/looks is astoundingly irresponcible.
• Realising that sexism goes BOTH ways.
• Understanding that sleeping with famous men and then writing, "Kiss and tell books" does NOT make women powerful it just makes women less trustworthy.
• Realising that a false rape allegation is as serious a crime as rape itself and deserves equal punishment.
• Realising that a false abuse allegation is abusive!
• Understanding that because men do not wish to engage in unending and pointless verbal spewing they are not repressed, but are actually much wiser than those who indulge in such constant opinionated self expression.
• Understanding that "experts" are often totally wrong.
• Realising that because you know what a tool is for and what it is called does not automatically mean you have the skill to use it.
  

"These are just a few of the benefits we women can find by getting in touch with our masculine side." Said Miss Lovemen.

This press release is forwarded by the good men at No More Silence

Last Update: 12 December 2008

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